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Straight Thinking about Holiday Oxymorons

9 Dec

My husband and I often laugh at the covers of women’s magazines.  So often they offer high-calorie foods and gorgeous desserts (like the Molten Chocolate Cake shown here) right next to dieting articles (like this one ~ “We lost 230 lbs!”).  Have you noticed that?

Some other cover oxymorons (and it’s not just Woman’s Day):

  • “Your healthiest year ever”… next to a whole collection of muffins and pound cake
  • “Eat healthy fast-food cheat sheet”… next to Corny Cupcakes (cupcakes on a skewer made with brown butter frosting and jelly beans)
  • “Drop 10 lbs in 4 weeks”… next to Simple & Delicious Cheesecake Brownie Bars
  • “8 Reasons why your diet isn’t working”… next to Strawberry Shortcake Parfaits.
  • “Stop Gaining Weight!”… next to “Easy Holiday Baking: Delicious pies and cakes”

You get my point. Why is it we don’t think straight when it comes to food or other things we want?

I laughed at a recent post by Jeff Goins, a writer I follow. He suggested (in an email titled “Giving Thanks ~ for EVERYthing!”) some funny holiday oxymorons:

  1. Remember to be grateful for what you have… Don’t miss these great deals!
  2. Catch up on work before the end of the year… Don’t forget to rest.
  3. Try to get some “me” time… Don’t neglect spending time with family.

We need to think straight about those seeming inconsistencies, don’t we?

When we have that normal stress (“tension”) going on in our lives, it’s important that we listen to a voice outside of ourselves. We need to ask our Heavenly Father what He wants us to do, and search the scriptures for His wisdom. Right thinking can help us walk that fine line of tension this month (and every month).

You’ve felt it.

  • We want the 90″ flatscreen TV for our family for Christmas, but know our budget will only allow for one much smaller (if at all).
  • We want a new dress for the Christmas party when the truth is, we already have three or four outfits that will do just fine.
  • We want to spend hundreds of dollars more on gifts than last year, but we don’t want our family to fall over a financial cliff.
  • We want to sit down and read a Christmas novel like Unexpected Christmas Hero, but there are cookies to bake for Junior’s school party…  and the office party… and the Christmas Eve party.
  • We want to stuff our faces at the holiday office get-together, but a little voice says, “What were you saying to your friend yesterday about not wanting to gain more than two pounds over Christmas?”
  • We want to curl up by the fireplace and take a nap, but God’s Spirit nudges us to visit Sister So-and-So in the hospital.
  • We feel like we owe everyone a piece of our time, but God says, “come apart with Me before you come apart” in all this holiday rush.

It’s the tension of all those extra choices that adds to our stress at Christmas. We need God’s wisdom, don’t we?

The Bible gives us that wisdom. Proverbs 4:23 says, “Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.” That is the protection we need ~ surrendering our will to God’s will.

We’re also instructed, “…do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:2). That is the source of godly priorities.

And we are told, “…seek those things which are above, where Christ is… Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth” (Colossians 3:1-2). That is how we embrace an eternal perspective.

What we become and how we deal with circumstances is largely determined by our desires, thoughts and focus. Whether during the holidays or any day of the year, God wants us to make balanced, wise decisions. Seeking Him and responding with proper attitudes is a good start.

So … how are you dealing with the normal stress and challenging tension of these holidays?

Those Pesky Idiosyncracies

27 May

It’s been said that married men should forget their mistakes. There’s no sense in two people remembering the same thing.

It’s also been said that marriage is a relationship where one person is always right … and the other is the husband.

Those jokes are funny, but not too kind to the menfolk!

Unfortunately, marriage is a sea of challenges that requires graceful navigation!

I was recently encouraged by a book about this complicated relationship. Elaine W. Miller wrote We All Married Idiots, a book that examines three things we will never change about our marriages, and then she offers ten things we can all work on to improve the husband-wife relationship. (1)

In one chapter, Elaine talks about learning to live with each other’s idiosyncrasies.

“Since living with idiosyncrasies is a part of marriage,” she wrote, “You might as well treasure those peculiar habits. One day you might miss them. I know I did.”

Elaine’s husband Dan was a tapper. He tapped on things. “I think in his mind the whole world is his trumpet as his fingers play a perpetual tune,” she said. “He taps the table when he eats, the steering wheel when he drives, the newspaper when he reads, the pulpit when he preaches, and my shoulders when he puts his arms around me.”

The tapping got hard to take. “If I let it,” Elaine said, “his tapping gets on my nerves. Many times I have said in an irritated voice, ‘Would you please stop tapping!’

“However,” she added, “when he was hospitalized and I was uncertain if he would live through the night, those words weren’t on my lips. I stared at his silent fingers, held his motionless hands, and pleaded, ‘Please, God, let me feel his fingers tapping.’

“Funny how our perspective on idiosyncrasies changes under different circumstances,” she said. “Many will admit the very thing that bugs them is what first enticed them to their beloved, and what they will miss the most when their loved one is gone.”

I remember reading about a woman who hated her husband’s snoring. She complained and poked him through the night. But after the man died, she told a friend she’d “give anything to hear that man snore again!”

Those pesky idiosyncrasies are simply more proof that we are all unique, and the truth is, every marriage has them. It is our attitude that makes the difference. Elaine explains that love is kind (according to 1 Corinthians 13:4). And what does that look like? “Being kind to your mate means overlooking those oddities that sometimes drive you crazy. The next time your love does the idiotic, remember this ~ you married an idiot and so did your spouse.” (2)

Elaine points out that the words “idiosyncrasy” and “idiot” both come from the same Greek root word (idio) meaning “common man.” In other words, we all do things that are a bit eccentric or peculiar from time to time.

As I thought about this, I realized how many times simple kindness and grace ~ and especially loving words ~ have acted like soothing oil in my own marriage. (Sometimes I can’t believe that my husband has put up with me this long!)

Rather than focusing on each other’s quirks, we’ve chosen to concentrate on what is good, pure, lovely, etc. (see Philippians 4:8). Some of those pesky idiosyncrasies remain, but they aren’t “issues” anymore. We’ve learned to love and accept each other and try to see each other through the eyes of the Redeemer we both love.

When I stop to think that God created me with unique idiosyncrasies ~ and He loves me ~ it encourages me to share the same kind of love with others, especially my spouse.

How about you? When you think about your spouse (or if you’re not married, a boss or a parent or someone else you have a relationship with on a regular basis), is there something that the person does that really bugs you? Could love, acceptance, patience and mega doses of grace ease your frustration?

(1) Elaine W. Miller, We All Married Idiots (Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas, 2012), p. 7.

(2) ibid, p. 7.

Elaine Miller is a member of the Advanced Writers and Speakers Association (AWSA) and has authored two other books, Splashes of Serenity: Bathtime Reflections for Drained Moms and Splashes of Serenity: Bathtime Reflections for Drained Wives.
http://www.splashesofserenity.com.

Hang on for the Ride!

22 Apr

In her post on the Christian e-zine, The Christ Pulse, author Karen O’Connor wrote about a group of women who toured London tearooms. Her description of the “White Knuckle Ride” on a British double-decker bus that make me laugh.

Karen wrote that the women downstairs were attentive and happy, but when she walked to the top deck to talk to the women , the passengers “were sitting like soldiers on alert,” clutching the seats in front of them.

“Is anything wrong?” she asked.”We’re having a great time downstairs, but you don’t appear to be enjoying yourselves.”

As Karen looked around, “One of the ladies looked up at me with a touch of fear in her eyes,” she said.

And then one of them spoke up in a small voice, “That’s because you have a driver!”

I couldn’t help but see a parallel.

It always helps to know that someone is “driving” our lives. Knowing someone is in charge alleviates our fears and concerns.

As I think about my journey in life, four things have helped me relax and hang on for the ride.

(1) God’s Sovereignty – He’s always in charge (Psalm 103:19). In His sovereignty, God rules over all (Psalm 115:3; ). He is totally in control and nothing is impossible for Him (Job 42:2; Luke 1:37). We may make plans from our perspective, but God sees the bigger picture, so we can trust His promises and purposes (Proverbs 16:1-4).

(2) God’s Loving Presence - He never leaves me, even when I can’t “see” Him at work (Psalm 139:7). I am never alone. His presence is a place of protection (Psalm 31:20). Knowing He is near, I have joy and I can rest (Psalm 16:11; Exodus 33:14).

(3) God’s FaithfulnessHe has always led me well … never led me wrong. He is good and merciful to His children (Psalm 145:9) ~ while there is no doubt that He works for His purposes, He also is concerned for my well-being (Jeremiah 29:11).

(4) God’s Wisdom – He’s more than willing to give me direction through the scriptures (Psalm 119:105) and the Spirit (Psalm 143:10; John 16:13). He will guide and teach me the right way to go, because my “enemies” (including temptations that arise from within me) mean to do me harm (Psalm 25:5; 27:11). I simply need to acknowledge (know and recognize) His voice and listen to His wise instruction (Proverbs 3:6).

I am not a roller coaster fan, mostly because I get dizzy every time, but I do occasionally allow myself to be strapped in ~ and as you well know, once you’re strapped in and the coaster is moving, there’s no turning back. The ride may get uncomfortable, but you’re not going anywhere except up and down (and maybe upside down) on the tracks.

The best way to ride a roller coaster is simply to surrender to the adventure. You may scream… your emotions may go wild… you may even feel a little queasy… but you will eventually arrive at the ride’s destination.

When I became a Christ-follower, I was “strapped in” for the ride. No turning back. It hasn’t always been easy. The ups and downs of life and the corkscrew turns that made my head spin ~ it’s all been part of the ride. But I know that God had purpose in each one, and that He was there with me the whole time. He’s been right beside me, cheering me on.

God has given me insight into how to make the ride a blessing rather than something to be endured. And just as I lift my hands high on the coaster, I find myself lifting my hands is sheer joy at times, praising my God for one incredible “ride.”

How about you? Does your life feel like a roller coaster these days? Remember that God is in control. He loves you and stays close by your side. And He is faithful and wise ~ He can be trusted! 

Do you believe these things? Get ready … in this great adventure with God, you haven’t seen anything yet!

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