Do You Have ‘Kate’ syndrome?

20 Jan

A man said, “I am in total control, but don’t tell my wife.”Control Freak Woman

I (Pam) am finishing up book: 52 Ways to Put a Smile on His Face (due out Valentine’s Day, 2012). Our dinner our table conversation with friends and family went to what I call “Kate Plus 8” syndrome, or “Who Died and Made You Boss?” (Funny that I originated that name of this syndrome ~ I guess, as a recovering control freak, I resemble and recognize the symptoms!)

I think that since Eve many women really struggle with being bossy, pushy, controlling, etc. We do it for much of why we saw Kate implode on TV; we feel overwhelmed by life, so we take charge to survive. Kate had a more legitimate excuse: eight kids under age three. (Most women don’t have that excuse.) :o)

When I commented that it is just way too easy to become a little “Hitler,” my husband Bill smiled and joked, “So, when  you get like that, or shall I say, if you ever do get that way, shall I just throw my arm up and say “Hiel” ?

Our son laughed.

And Bill added, “I guess not, if I want to keep that arm.”


Bill then asked (for the sake of our friends and family), “What does help women, if they find themselves being controlling?”

I said, “Actually, you are really good at helping when you simply say, ‘Pam, we are all on your team. We want you (or this) to succeed, so what can we do to help?”

I also added that it helps if we have some kind of secret code that is humorous to help a woman recognize when she is getting her inner dictator on. (Word of caution, this code word usually comes out of a big fight the first time! LOL) So, if you are at my home and someone mentions Cruella De Vil, no worries; it has become a term of endearment now.

Seriously, Bill made great headway when, years ago, he simply wrapped his arms around me as I was ordering my family around and whispered, “We love you. You don’t need to order us to help. We are glad to be on your team.” It immediately changed my demeanor to one that wanted to be a benevolent leader rather than a bossy Queen Bee. I changed my tone, my words, and my attitude.

It also helps to have the Holy Spirit screaming inside, “Blond girl, you want to push everyone away who loves you? Then keep up this bossy behavior! But if you want them to love you, love them with your words, actions, and attitude.” (Okay, that was my paraphrase of how I interpreted God’s accurate nudging to change my ways).

I have “come a long way, Baby.” But it is a process for women. I would start “Control Freaks Anonymous,” but the problem is, we’d all want to be in charge. I have found the best prescription for the inner control freak is God’s sovereignty. When I realize God is in control, then I can relax and release my control.

Maybe this picture of God will help you relax and release today:

  • For God is the King of all the earth . . .God reigns over the nations, God sits on His holy throne (Psalm 47:7-8).
  • The LORD reigns, He is clothed with majesty; The LORD has clothed and girded Himself with strength; Indeed, the world is firmly established, it will not be moved (Psalm 93:1).

Let go girl. God is in control – rest in it.


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