Fueling Marriage

11 Feb

One of my (Dawn’s) favorite stories in Bill and Pam Farrel’s book, Red Hot Monogamy, is about Pam’s friend Kristy, who wanted to WOW her spouse one day.

RomanticBed_RosepetalHeartKristy said, “One evening I decided to create a romantic atmosphere in the bedroom. It was very appropriate because I’d had a virus, and it’d been several days since … (You know!). While Milton was in the shower, I slipped on a slinky black ooh-lala, folded the covers down to the foot of the bed, lit a candle, and sprayed perfume on the sheets …

[Take note. This is one woman who knows how to prepare well!]

“As a final touch, I clicked on the bedside radio for some soft background music and then lay down, posing pleasingly.

“Just as Milton walked into the bedroom, a deep bass voice belted out on Christian radio:

‘How lo-o-o-o-ng has it be-e-e-e-en?’

“Needless to say, the atmosphere changed from romantic to hilarious as we burst out in laughter. However, it quickly changed back.” *

The Farrels proceed from that humorous anecdote to talking about the need for couples to reconnect. One couple shared with them that their children laugh about the “eleven o’clock click” in their house ~ the time their parents’ bedroom door lock can be heard throughout the house.

Connection is important. In marriage, connection is like fuel. Connection ~ trusted emotional and spiritual intimacy ~ is crucial to a strong marriage.  For a couple committed to God, developing that connection involves communication, selflessness, energy and passion in the sexual relationship, and more.

Some advice a couple might get from the world (and even some well-meaning believers) does not line up with the biblical pattern for love, humility, wisdom, and purity. That’s why I appreciate the Farrels’ book. They do it right.

I grew up in an atmosphere that taught that Christians should never express their passions, even in marriage. Passion was not pure, in their book. When I matured and read THE book, I discovered they were wrong. Just read Song of Solomon without spiritualizing it away! It took me years to learn that our wise Heavenly Father provided for outlets for God-given passions ~ and one of them is in marriage.

Here are six reasons I love this book:

  • First, this book is only for married couples. The full title is Red Hot Monogamy: Making Your MARRIAGE Sizzle. [God didn’t write a manual for cohabitation.]
  • Second, their focus is on God’s good design for marriage … why it’s important, what makes it work.
  • Third, they encourage couples, with sensitivity but plain language, that they can develop greater skills in marriage ~ in lots of areas, like communication, understanding, love-making (read, “sex”), etc.
  • Fourth, they are so-o-o practical, like ~ What do you do when you’re just plain exhausted? In a world gone busy-crazy, they encourage rest and rejuvenation … together! The book offers 200 (count ’em!) “Red-Hot Romance Ideas.” And practice makes perfect!
  • Fifth, the book is full of the Farrels’ typical clean humor!
  • Sixth, they show how a “red-hot” love life can actually empower not only a couple’s sex life, but every part of their marriage.

As the back cover states, this is a book for newlyweds, mature couples who are still young at heart, and couples at any age and stage in between.

It’s not too late to get this book for this Valentine’s Day. But I also think it would be a wonderful book to get and give to “June (July, August, etc.) Brides” and grooms!” It’s also a good book to give married couples who are taking a vacation or cruise together! Encourage the adventure!

Bill and Pam are bold to share the truth about how God wants to fuel our marriages with His love. They also remind us that there’s nothing wrong with fueling married life with some good, clean fun!

* Red Hot Monogamy (Harvest House Publishers, 2006), pp. 81-82


2 Responses to “Fueling Marriage”

  1. Sharon G. February 11, 2011 at 2:57 pm #

    This sounds like a great book.

    But I still have doubt there’s any help for my husband and I. What do you do when your husband works very long hours (10+ usually, he’s worked as high as 14 hours) at a physically demanding job and has no say in how long those hours are? And then when the wife has physical issues which makes her ability for initiating anything or being the dominant participant difficult?

    Does this book address anything like this?

    • Dawn Wilson February 11, 2011 at 5:28 pm #

      While the book doesn’t address every issue, there are helpful principles you can apply, Sharon. I know that there are seasons of life that are especially difficult, and sometimes circumstances seem to conspire against intimacy in marriage.

      What it boils down to, I think, is creativity, adaptation, and a willing attitude. That old slogan, “Where there’s a will, there’s a way,” is true. You may have to think about this for a while, but, as the Farrels teach, the most vital sex organ is the brain.

      I believe God has answers. If you and your husband desire intimacy, ask the Lord when/where/how it is possible. Ask for wisdom (James 1:5). I was just reading through some of the romance ideas in the book. You could certainly adapt some of those. If you have time to do anything at all (discuss finances, for example), you can create a special time together.

      I don’t want to get into a long response here. The main thing is to realize that intimacy is important, and the enemy would like to destroy that in marriage. So anything you can do to preserve it is crucial.

      Ask God for wisdom. Be willing. Be creative and adapt. Revive the adventure.

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