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Not for Circulation

27 Feb

Ruch E. Chodrow wrote to Reader’s Digest, I met my husband while I was working in a science library. He came in every week to read the latest journals and eventually decided to take Rubber Stamp & Ink Padout the librarian instead of the books.

“After a year and a half of dating, he showed up at the library and started rummaging through my desk. I asked what he was looking for, but he didn’t answer. Finally he unearthed one of the rubber stamps I used to identify reference books.

“’Since I couldn’t find the right engagement ring,’ he said, ‘this will have to do,and he firmly stamped my hand. Across my knuckles, in capital letters, it read ‘NOT FOR CIRCULATION.’” *

Isn’t that a great thought? Once we are wed, we are out of circulation, for sure. But this fellow was making it clear that engagement was a done deal in his book!

Some great points are made at gotquestions.org concerning engagement. Old Testament betrothal was similar to what we call engagement, except that many couples today don’t honor the sanctity and seriousness of engagement. The key issue is for Christians not to knowingly join together with an unbeliever (2 Corinthians 6:14-15).

But beyond engagement, these days, love and marriage don’t necessarily go together for many couples. They skip engagement for cohabitation, or for other unbiblical relationships.

I (Dawn) read on a site about dating [which I do NOT recommend], “The truth about love is that there is no truth about love. There are only subjective ideas as to what marriage should be based on.” **

Sadly, that’s what many in the younger generation believe, because they have tossed out the absolutes of scripture. But God gives some clear “ideas as to what marriage should be based on” and Continue reading

Fueling Marriage

11 Feb

One of my (Dawn’s) favorite stories in Bill and Pam Farrel’s book, Red Hot Monogamy, is about Pam’s friend Kristy, who wanted to WOW her spouse one day.

RomanticBed_RosepetalHeartKristy said, “One evening I decided to create a romantic atmosphere in the bedroom. It was very appropriate because I’d had a virus, and it’d been several days since … (You know!). While Milton was in the shower, I slipped on a slinky black ooh-lala, folded the covers down to the foot of the bed, lit a candle, and sprayed perfume on the sheets …

[Take note. This is one woman who knows how to prepare well!]

“As a final touch, I clicked on the bedside radio for some soft background music and then lay down, posing pleasingly.

“Just as Milton walked into the bedroom, a deep bass voice belted out on Christian radio:

‘How lo-o-o-o-ng has it be-e-e-e-en?’

“Needless to say, the atmosphere changed from romantic to hilarious as we burst out in laughter. However, it quickly changed back.” *

The Farrels proceed from that humorous anecdote to talking about the need for couples to reconnect. One couple shared with them that their children laugh about the “eleven o’clock click” in their house ~ the time their parents’ bedroom door lock can be heard throughout the house.

Connection is important. In marriage, connection is like fuel. Connection ~ trusted emotional and spiritual intimacy ~ is crucial to a strong marriage.  For a couple committed to God, developing that connection involves communication, selflessness, energy and passion in the sexual relationship, and more.

Some advice a couple might get from the world (and even some well-meaning believers) does not line up with the biblical pattern for love, humility, wisdom, and purity. That’s why I appreciate the Farrels’ book. They do it right.

I grew up in an atmosphere that taught that Christians should never express their passions, even in marriage. Passion was not pure, in their book. When I matured and read THE book, I discovered they were wrong. Just read Song of Solomon without spiritualizing it away! It took me years to learn that our wise Heavenly Father provided for outlets for God-given passions ~ and one of them is in marriage.

Here are six reasons I love this book: Continue reading

Passion or Pain?

10 Jan

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.

Silouette of Married CoupleOkay, those of you who know me (Pam) well will laugh at this.

Bill and I had some “intense fellowship” and had to work out an issue. We hugged and made up and all that good “Red Hot Monogamy” stuff we write about. Later I said, “Being married to me is a little like cooking with Tequila in a hot pan. The food can taste really great, but it can also cause a flash fire and you might feel the heat—or get burned.”

Passion is a little like dynamite, it can do some great good, like clearing a path, or creating a tunnel in a mountain; but great destruction or extreme pain is also possible if the dynamite is not handled well or wisely.

A quote comes to mind when I think of passion and intensity. It was made by Spiderman’s uncle: “With great power comes great responsibility.” Passion isn’t the problem; it is all how we handle it.

So, are there any other “red hot mama’s” out there? Let’s commit to use our passion for good. We can keep the sizzle and spice “in the pan” with a couple of key passion principles:

1. Never say something that, if your mate was hit by a truck, you’d regret.

2. Don’t be the truck that hit him!

To sum it up:

  • Passion with proper parameters produces positive power
  • Rage, regardless of restraint, returns ruin.

The Proverbs give us a couple of first-rate goals in handling our passionate words:

Pleasant words are a honeycomb, dweet to the soul and healing to the bones. (Proverbs 16:24)

[She] who restrains [her] words has knowledge, and [she] who has a cool spirit is a [woman] of understanding. (Proverbs 17:27)

I recommend our book Red Hot Monogamy as a better way to channel that passion!

Keep it sizzling ~ in a good way!

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